Think of this as a short reality show all about talk therapy. Families frequently ask me if I have had a conversation with their child about what is acceptable and what is not to earn their rewards. “Maybe they just don’t understand!” I have had parents ask me this about children from 7 years to 37 years. “Are you sure they understand what they have to do to earn?” These parents still want to believe that a conversation can build bridges. This is the story of “Talk Therapy.” It is a real story parents pretend about innocence but it is really about ignorance masquerading.
Talk therapy presumes that the human animal has learned that fulfillment of their needs requires a work ethic. I have had people from all caliber of the social structure comment, “Well, what does a child really need?” These people must have come from the planet “Need.” Earth does not fulfill because of need. If you doubt this equation, please strip naked and sit in the middle of the Amazon rain forest. The animals and insects that will feed upon you have learned to earn. All animals on Earth learn to earn. Not only does that equation grow the food we eat but it builds the mettle that makes the human whole. That is the definition of self-esteem. Self-esteem certainly is not derived from talk therapy or an undeserved hug. I have had children come to me and say, “Give me a bottle of water. I need it. I’m thirsty!” Where did this work ethic of “Need” come from? I reply, “What have you done to deserve this water?” The child will usually look at me with quizzical eyes and repeat, ”Don’t you understand Dr. B? I said I was thirsty.” The animal must learn this behavior through some kind of pain experience. (more…)
The eyes tell us who we are. Joseph Campbell, the guru of mythology, tells us that in evolution, the eyes were the last sense to develop. It’s the infancy of human development. Therefore, we are curious animals and we love to see ourselves. This is why we have a fascination with film and television. Each sitcom in a decade reflects back on who we are and we love to watch ourselves in action; it’s hypnotic.
When teaching classes at the university to graduate students, I help them to finally understand that there are laws of human behavior that govern our actions and reactions and how we interact is not chaos but we can manage and control and direct. Like government propaganda reprogramming the human being. Once they have this understanding, I ask them: “what do you appear to be to the people that see you? You stand in front of your students on a daily basis. Do you know what you project to them? Do you control what you project? If you do not, then you are out of control and you are allowing the environment and other people to determine what you teach and how you direct.” (more…)
I want to talk to you for a moment about some of the elderly tribal members that sometimes we forget about. I was in a nursing home a few hours ago and the staff were concerned about an elderly gentleman who was probably in his 90′s and was paralyzed and he had problems being courteous. When he wanted something, he would yell and when he would be reprimanded by the staff, he would get angry and they said he was verbally abusive. After listening to their concerns, I went in and talked to the gentleman.
As I entered his room, he was watching the TV and it was extremely loud. I asked him if I could talk to him or if he would rather watch the TV. He said “no, you can turn the TV off” and of course he was yelling at the time. I accidentally turned down the sound instead of turning the TV off and he immediately yelled at me “don’t turn the sound down!” I looked at him and said “are you angry? Why are you yelling at me?” and he replied with “I’m sorry, just turn the power off.” I turned the power off and went and sat down. (more…)
Sometimes, if we would like something from another human being, a child, a mate, a parent. Sometimes the simplest of acts are never performed. Usually we just have to ask for it. It sounds so simple. Most of the time, we go along with inner dialogue, listening to our internal voice complain. Move and self pity, when all we have to do is ask.
There was an experiment done in New Jersey, on the beach during a busy summer season, where a researcher left his radio on the beach near a cluster of strangers and walked away, feigning as if he was going to go to the refreshment bar. As he left, of course he had hired someone to walk over and pick up the radio and walk the other way and steal it. All the strangers merely watched the action take place; the theft. (more…)