Think of this as a short reality show all about talk therapy. Families frequently ask me if I have had a conversation with their child about what is acceptable and what is not to earn their rewards. “Maybe they just don’t understand!” I have had parents ask me this about children from 7 years to 37 years. “Are you sure they understand what they have to do to earn?” These parents still want to believe that a conversation can build bridges. This is the story of “Talk Therapy.” It is a real story parents pretend about innocence but it is really about ignorance masquerading.
Talk therapy presumes that the human animal has learned that fulfillment of their needs requires a work ethic. I have had people from all caliber of the social structure comment, “Well, what does a child really need?” These people must have come from the planet “Need.” Earth does not fulfill because of need. If you doubt this equation, please strip naked and sit in the middle of the Amazon rain forest. The animals and insects that will feed upon you have learned to earn. All animals on Earth learn to earn. Not only does that equation grow the food we eat but it builds the mettle that makes the human whole. That is the definition of self-esteem. Self-esteem certainly is not derived from talk therapy or an undeserved hug. I have had children come to me and say, “Give me a bottle of water. I need it. I’m thirsty!” Where did this work ethic of “Need” come from? I reply, “What have you done to deserve this water?” The child will usually look at me with quizzical eyes and repeat, ”Don’t you understand Dr. B? I said I was thirsty.” The animal must learn this behavior through some kind of pain experience. (more…)
Any time delayed gratification is removed from the social structure of learned or taught behaviors, we have a decline in the social fabric. Without delayed gratification, an individual cannot take the necessary time to learn necessary behaviors for survival. Until three generations ago, this was not an issue because mother nature was the flawless teacher. 90% of human beings lived an agrarian life of farming. Small family farms that dictated, “Those who did not plant did not reap. And those who do not reap do not eat.” This required the concept of “delayed gratification.” But now all pain oriented learning required of our children is outlawed by the state. Our young children have been taught by our institutions, that on a whim, they can call the authorities and have their elders imprisoned with a “story of anxiety,” natures teachings are inverted. (more…)
Looking for the reinforcer – that’s what we do as parents, teachers, caregivers and leaders of industry: CEO’s and CFO’s. We look for the reinforcer. It was interesting sitting at a meeting with individuals that all earn over six figures a year, a group of them. The management was discussing a higher performance and a higher success and I asked them: “what do you think would motivate you to want to do something different, to do more, to produce more?” Two of them stood up: “we like the envelope board!”
The envelope board is a cork board, that everybody has in their house somewhere, where they post messages or pin a picture. In this case, they pin sealed envelopes, and each sealed envelope has a different amount of money. As each salesperson produces something extra, however we define it, they’re able to go to the cork board and choose any envelope of mystery that they want. They strive to achieve their next goal in order to participate in the mystery of chance. As they produce something ‘extra’, their behavior is reinforced. (more…)
Its important for individuals, parents, teachers, even the care givers in elderly homes, to realize that whenever they’re focusing on a behavior for change, they have to determine whether or not that is a behavior they would like to change because it bothers them or it’s good for the child or good for the patient. In other words, is it a natural behavior or is it an unnatural behavior.
Diane, my wife, years back wanted to get a German Shepherd and we were both very exited about shopping for it. She knew German Shepherd’s. She had been raised with them and had raised three or four of them and knew their personalities. In the mean time, there was a family that had pedigreed Border Collies and they found out their children were allergic to the dogs and they couldn’t keep them. We took our family down to look at them and they were just beautiful dogs. The boys fell in love with them almost immediately and we decided we would take on Border Collies rather than a German Shepherd. (more…)