The phenomena of American women seeking marriage in the 21st Century is a failure, for the female.  This was not supposed to happen. 1960s and 1970s feminists like Erica Jong called marriage “the slavery of Home” and viewed it as an obstacle to liberation. The idea was that marriage would one day disappear as women overthrew the shackles of patriarchal society.

But a funny thing happened on the way to equality. The 1960s-70s era featured the successful breaking down of barriers in the board room. Today’s single woman has parity in the workplace. With the battles for equal access to higher learning and equal pay for equal work largely over, the focus of smart young women has turned to a politically incorrect subject.   As Whitehead observed, “There is something in the new single woman’s professed desire for marriage that runs against the official story of women’s social progress.”

These same forbidden themes of women’s desire for marriage and their frustrations with men and dating have been box office magic in recent “Chick Lit” movies like “Bridget Jones Diary ” and “Sex In The City”. Feelings of fear, powerlessness and alienation are safely released as long as it is in fiction or pictured on the silver screen.

It turns out that today’s liberated women want to marry. The problem, as Whitehead points out, is that the social infrastructure that was designed to help young women meet marriageable men no longer exists. Once upon a time in America, courtship paired up men and women of common interests, values and compatible personalities. As courtship gradually disintegrated over the last century, the rituals of the Senior Prom and sorority formals accomplished their task of getting young men and women paired off, however mismatched due to the increasingly deceptive behavior of playa men. Now even that era has disappeared along with platform shoes, bell bottom pants and mood rings. But it hasn’t been replaced with something better.

Since many women are pursuing marriage long after they have left high school and college with their pool of available men, these single women must take on this chore by themselves. Instead of dating and mating with men they grew up with or at least shared classes with, many are now dating and mating with strangers.

This new system is tailor-made for the playa man. He doesn’t even have to promise young single women to go steady to achieve his short term goals. He either ”hooks up” or is “joined at the hip.” The “hook up” is friends with benefits, meaning sex without commitment. The other option is “joined at the hip”, where a couple that doesn’t know each other very well commits to a sexual relationship and spends all their time together.

My response to their column is below and offers the logic and reasoning of today’s dating woman.

When the steps of courtship are abused, the relationship is abused.  The 5 steps that nature has created are aborted with political ideology.  But it does not change the powerlessness of the single female.

1.  Chemistry: physical attraction
2.  Approval Seeking: negotiating shared interest
3.  Euphoria: deeper level of physical attraction
4.  No Boundaries: devotion
5.  Honeymoon of Sexual Intimacy: touching, copulation

Today, most relationships skip stages 2,3,4 and move directly to stage five.  It is the male desire and the women must comply or lose the courtship.  But it is no longer a courtship but a fast fling.  Women attempt to soften the lust by using language  like “sleepovers” to give the act legitimacy.  But once the male gets what he has sought for for thousands of years, she is nothing but a powerlessness slut.  Regardless of how you want it to be, there are differences between the sexes.  Nature designed it so and political thinking does not change the outcome.  Today’s dating scene favors men over women.

Neither hooking up or being joined at the hip leads to many strong relationships that can weather the storms of life. That is why Whitehead notes that men in the 21st Century are viewed by today’s single women as “less the target for political outrage than as the source of chronic romantic disappointment.” Writer Jennifer Grossman likewise observed that there is a sense of powerlessness in the personal instead of the political.

Predictably, many men are infuriated at the idea of women being “powerless.”

 As one 40 year old successful female said, “While I would acknowledge men have been far from perfect, it ultimately takes two to tango and you conveniently ignore the role that all women play in the dating and relationships market.”

This sexual freedom unleashed in the 60s and 70s has also resulted in a greater increase in women’s number of sexual partners as well – men having sex does not happen in a vacuum! With women the ultimate gatekeepers of sex, men can only have more casual sex if there are females willing to accommodate them.

Thanks to feminism and the sexual revolution, women are now a) attempting to act like men and engage in more frequent casual sex b) Trying their luck to land a higher status male (if at least for a short period) through sex.  Women, fearing loss of the male, skips the courtship and move to stage 5, sexual copulation, thinking sex will keep the man.  But genetically no male wants to permanently mate with a slut.

We can use as much jargon as we dare, calling sex with strangers “a sleepover,” but it does not change the dire circumstances of the single female,  It will not create good out of evil.

This is Dr. B reminding you, we are not alone.

What does putting in 8 hours even mean?  If 8 hours of time is invested but no crops are planted it really does not not matter how many hours  are spent.  Too often children will exemplify the failure of this action by spending time writing out flash cards for vocabulary thinking that work is being produced.  Their parents in part come home discussing how much time they spent at work.  Neither has created a product.  In colonial times these people would have starved.  But the socialism of government protects them from true work ethic. True capitalism pays the bills of the teacher, policeman, politician, city engineer.  I could make a list of a 100.

True taxes are paid by family run companies that must produce work and products.  In turn their dollars pay the the city employees.  I always thought it absurd that city employees, like teachers, are paid with tax dollars than pay taxes on the tax dollars that they are paid with.  Frankie told the story of the first experimental colony that came to the new Americas back in the 1600′s.  Initially the captain said all work according to their skills and and comfort.  The colony was literally starving to death.  Finally the captain said only those who work will eat.  Oh my god.  Kill me with a spoon!  How harsh!  But they all worked and they all lived.  Only those that work will eat.  Definitely a re-management program. Parents that practiced that philosophy would be imprisoned today. The state of affairs is not faring well. A 26 year old child who threatens the state with violence for money, prisons filled with illegal aliens and women getting paid for abortions. Who is to blame for this process? CAPITALISM.

Capitalism, of course, works on a different principle. Schools breeding illiteracy and supported by our presidency whose children attend private school?  Huh?  Government advocates universal health care to be mandatory for all, but the government elect have their own plan?  huh!  But there are 2 ways to develop motivation for changing human behavior.

When the monotony of Henry Ford’s factory work began to increase the number of sick days his workers were taking, he did not fire employees. He raised their pay.  If you were able to do the work, he would pay higher than the standard of living.  But he would only pay those who would work. People lined up to receive the pay and sick days used by his employees dropped.

The parents of today’s youth cannot starve their children, but then can hold them hostage with the resources they demand. Even then, the parents will not resort to that level. The state now considers using resources to frustrate a child’s choice as the parent creating undue anxiety and social services can be called. That is the state though. Little Peter wins again and a civilization looses.

This is Dr. B reminding you, that we are not alone.

“With written contracts, Frankie never worried.  He let the contract do the worrying.  A contract is simply a voluntary agreement of consistency with defined consequences.  Be consistent with the contract and reap rewards.  Fail and reap the penalty.  Frankie always said, “Keep it simple, the steps small, and don’t be impatient.  Those who get the pay will always do the work.  But always remember, you can follow all the steps, but without the I CAN attitude, you will fail. Everyone wants to succeed, but too many just think they can’t.” While working as a behavioral psychologist, I saw many children fail because of an I CAN’T attitude.  So I knew it could happen just as well as in business.

Attitude and step by step management worked in business. Follow the steps you win.  Fail and you lose.  One cocky day I made a verbal contract.  I trusted the individual.  Can you believe that!  I trusted the individual. Like said in the Godfather, “Friends and Money are like oil and water.”  Money changed hands and didn’t return. The system worked.  The contract reaped it’s consequences.  The laws of human nature were steadfast and true.  An empire crumbled over night.  And the  prostitutes ran.  The madame packed her bags and potatoes and departed for Berlin.

I failed to inform you that Frankie was attending a seminar in Vegas because he wanted to operate big brothels and small casinos.  You see, in Nevada Brothels are legal.  Nine of them to be exact.  Each county in Nevada has its own and falls under the law of gambling.  And equally taxed.  Frankie, dear soul, had been in the cocaine and prostitution business.  In the 1960′s he had been loan sharking in Los Angeles, but the police banned his business (gang) so they had to operate outside the city limits in Pear Blossom, Ca.  They had a new Jersey type Deli in the sticks with wise guys working the counter.  Hey, whatever whets your nickel.  Was it honest?  Well as honest as the stock market.  Morality might have been questionable.  But Nevada casinos and Indian casinos are booming.  So who misses spending money?  Frankie knew that the fancy gents in new york would like to own a piece of brothel.  A toy to brag during cocktail conversation.  As He said, “Help enough people touch their dream and you will reach your dreams.”  But with all dreams come nightmares.

Problem that sprang to the service was that although prostitution is legal in Nevada, it’s still a business.  And this one was run by the Commission.  And when dreams get big, brother start looking for the enemy.  Frankie always said, “If there’s a buck, someone wants to whet their beak like all the birds.  Well, Frankie had his share of thieves and enemies in Hollywood vice.  When he left for Vegas, the paper trail begins.  “If they want you, they’re goin to get you.”  Well this paper trail was started by the gambling commission of Nevada at the request of the Hollywood Vice. It paper trailed the real owners brothel and the small casino that went with it. The paper trail ended with some ancient mafia don in prison for 2 life terms.  The people that bought into this enterprise were as varied as people in Europe.  I kid y0u not. Hisidic Jews with the ringlets of hair rapped around their ears in black over coats and black brimmed hats sitting in the Reno airports with bags of money to invest for their families.  Oh, did I for get to tell you that Frankie was Jewish?  Well once the news of the Mafia came to light they blew away like sand dust gold in a storm of Sierra Madre.

Frankie forgot to tell me that the moral component always needs to be considered when  investing in other peoples dreams.  Not only do we need to fill a social need, but morality, the nature of good and bad must be confronted.   Frankie failed to expound upon that piece while lingering in Pear Blossom.  But deep down, I knew he was favoring the good side of life.

That’s what most young folks today forget.  Most youth today think what they would like to do instead of thinking about what the social structure needs.  Frankie definitely was filling a need.  After all if 90% of the porn market worldwide is viewed by males and the most searched word on the internet is “sex”, than Frankie was in the right market.  But of course I had no idea what the content of the project actually was.  Human flesh.  I thought it was a small dung town in Nevada with a bar that had 2 slot machines.  Of course attached to the bar was the legal brothel and its stable of women.  However, the attitude remained.  If it could be done once, it could be done again.  But maybe not with brothels.

This is Dr. B reminding you that we are not alone.

We have talked in the past where most relationship in homes today are primarily based on emotion.  If the child escalates their emotional behavior long enough their parent will eventually give in.  Why?  Parents today are not equipped to compete in the true reality game of raising children.  Parents do not even know what to do when a child says No.  The parent will usually resort to yelling which is an indicator that the parent is frustrated and has already lost the game. The child escalates their emotional tantrum which will gradually transition into pain and evocations that the parent no longer loves the child.  Bedsides wanting this pain to be removed from the home environment, the parent cannot tolerate their child in any kind of pain.  Hence, they will eventually give into whatever the demands.

It is law of human relationships that a parent cannot deny their child their love.  That’s why a child is born with crib behavior.  Crib behavior is screaming and yelling, whenever the child desires basic needs:  warmth, food, personal touch… With these rules the parent can never win and the child will never learn.  If this is as true as the law of gravity, then we must change the rules so they work in the parents favor.  All human beings love and respect contracts–an agreement between two people that say, if you do this then I will do this.  It is the basic soul of our social situation.  This is why children love to play games.  Games are a sort of contract.  In games there are rules of right and wrong. And believe me, if you ever observe children playing games they will hold each accountable and the group will hold the individual accountable.

When I work with children 6-36 years old  I always work through the medium of the contract.   If it’s a 10 year old that wants an xbox, or a 16 year old that wants an iPhone, or a 36 year old that wants a raise, I always first establish that the item of choice as OUR item because they have asked me to acquire it.  Ahh.  Now comes into play the next law of human behavior, human beings want things NOW!  They do not want to wait for them.  Tomorrow doesn’t matter.  Only today matters.  Hence, that individual whether 10, 16, or 36 will agree to anything long as they get it today.  Now remember, contracts are social agreements that allow an individual to become a part of the tribal structure.  With the contract is established, the rules begin.  With the 10 year old xbox acquisition and and it’s daily use is based on parental signing of homework log, or their xbox belongs to their new contract partner, Dr B.  The 16 yer old’s use of the iPhone requires daily review of weakest academic subject with parent or the phone belongs to their new contract partner, Dr B.  And with the 36 year old, their raise is based on amount of duties or their raise belongs to their their new partner Dr B.  Each one of these contracts has been written up and signed by both parties.

With a written contracts, the contract does the worrying.  A contract is simply a voluntary agreement of consistency with defined consequences.  Be consistent with the contract and reap the rewards.  Fail and reap the penalty.  And always remember, “Keep it simple, the steps small, and don’t be impatient.  Those who get the pay will always do the work.  But always remember, you can follow all the steps, but without the “I CAN” attitude, you will fail. Everyone wants to succeed, but too many just think they can’t.

This is Dr. B reminding you that we are not alone.

The concept of learning to earn privileges is best taught during the critical stages of learning, ages seven through sixteen. In this stage of learning, children must become able to do some things well such as: read, write, calculate, and perform household chores. These are normal life skills. Yet, in our society where the individual is often catered to, the positive ethic of contribution is not always learned. The negative ethic of instant gratification and entitlement are becoming more the norm. It is through a child’s contribution to home, to school, and to a social group, that children gain a positive sense of self. Giving into instant gratification and allowing an entitlement attitude can damage a child’s self esteem.

In a future post, I will discuss how to create an environment to foster the four characteristics of a success adult. Stay tuned and remember, you are not alone!

Some professionals would like us to believe the problem and its source are inseparable.  They will usually say, “You must know why you have a problem before you can solve it.”  You don’t have to “must” anything.  Always remember, you’re the guide.  You know more about the problem than anyone.  Especially the government.  You live with it day after day.  You, like many parents, have urgency.  If your house is on fire, your major concern is not why it is on fire, but how to put the fire out.

Parents have been raising their kids for thousands of years. Suddenly, little mamma is sitting across from the professional clutching her purse hearing she can’t handle the problems. Mamma is quite capable.  There are no defects or demons.  She may need a few guideposts, but mamma always knows best.  What she doesn’t need is someone telling her what she doesn’t know and what she can’t do.

Parenting is a back to basics journey.  Since time began until 1950 all children were raised using a cost management program.  You may ask what is it?  Anyone that has ever had a job understands the basic ingredients.  If you do the work you get the pay.  Do a little get a little.  Do a lot get a lot.  But for some reason, many believe it does not apply to our children today. That’s because parents are clouded by unconditional love and the state is clouded with unconditional power.  Parents want to protect their children from  any pain.  The quiver of the lip when they don’t get their car keys.  I can hear the dialog.  “Well, ok, just this one time.  Gee thanks dad.   I sure do love you.”   Parents are genetically programmed to love unconditional.  Otherwise they’d never have changed that diaper.  Why should they?  They step over the homeless everyday.  What is the difference?  Parents have genetically programmed to love their children unconditionally. Is that what happens at a place of business?  Of course not. The business would go bankrupt.  And that’s what happens in many families.  They go into emotional bankruptcy  Rocking from one bankruptcy to the next. If some well intentioned professional tells you, “You must accept the crisis situation,” walk away.  You don’t have to accept any situation.  Change it. Remember, you’re the authority.  You control all the resources, just like the owner of a business.  Your kid is your employee.  Thinking of children as employees is the first step to control.  It is your Attitude and your Reward Management.  It is your business.  You are the boss.  “Head em up.  Move em out!”

First of all lets clarify that stealing is not as simple behavior.  What does cutting, masturbation and stealing have in common?  They have immediate reinforcement.  These behaviors are the most difficult to extinguish because it requires catching the individual in the act.  If you do not, then it self reinforces before it can be redirected.

To give you some historical perspective on this family, a year ago their oldest son was caught in his room after curfew hours watching porn on his laptop.  The mother’s initial reaction was to send their child to therapy.  “Why would he want to be watching these things done to women.  He does not respect women!”  It is times like these when heterosexual marriage comes into play.  The father of the family already knew it was not a mental health issue.  Regardless of political correctness.  Viewing porn is a preoccupation males were born with to perpetuate the specie.  Years ago before internet, boys would look through peep holes.  Men would go to burlesque shows.  90% of all porn is viewed by the male animal.  The male is a hunter.  The male is a visual animal.  So how can the family punish their teenage son for action built into his DNA?  The problem is the family is focusing on the wrong issue.  Viewing porn is not  the issue.  The issue is one of trust and respect.  The family trusted the boy to be using the family lap top for designated activities at designated times.  Also, the teen’s mother does not like that kind of activity in her home.  The activity could have been bouncing a basketball in the house.  It does not matter.  The teen is choosing to disrespect the mother’s rules.  Basically the teen is saying to his mom, “Fuck You.”  The parents solution for the “trust” issue?    The teen’s bedroom door removed for 1 week.  When the door is returned, if porn viewing continues, and it will because it is written into the DNA, the door will be removed for 3 weeks.  The teen has given up his power of privacy,  just like a young child.  Breaking mother’s rules and saying “Fuck You” to her cost him $20.  If he does not have the $20.  the parents can pawn any of his items to pay the cost.  These actions put the burden of responsibility back on the child and the action focus not on “porn”  and “illness” but respect and trust.  What do we want our children to begin to learn and focus?  Trust and respect.

I said to the father, “If it had been 25 cents rather than $500 would you be reacting this way?”  The father replied, no.  “But the amount is so much more,” he said.  We discussed, what difference is the amount?  Stealing is stealing.  What we have here is an opportunity for learning.  I reminded the father that this is no different than stealing porn in the middle of night.  It is a “trust” and “respect” issue.  If you take everything away from the child for one activity, what do you have to bargain with for growth in all other ares of the child’s life?  Our only management tool that parents control today, to teach and direct our children, are the resources we control.  Of course that was not always true.  This father said that his father would have caused him serious pain.  True.  For 5 million years  every family had a wood shed on their property (if you do not know the American metaphor for woodshed, google it).  But a woodshed is no longer a tool parents in the major culture can utilize to manage trust and respect in the home.  Minority cultures are still allowed by law.  But this is another topic for social discussion.  I reminded the parent about the porn issue and how they  dealt with it.  The door comes off their bedroom  until the spent money is paid back.  The 11 year old boy is now treated as if he were 6 years old.  6 year old children get to watch TV and play with friends.  but they are more closely watched.  No longer does the child have carte blanche to run his life.  He has proven with his lack of trust that he cannot handle this kind of freedom.  So the door will be returned when the 11 years old repays the money.  Without repayment there will be no learning.  I gave the father a scenario.  What if this parents work needed to be cut down from 5 days a week to 4 days a week.  They would probably have a family;y meeting to budget.  What can the family give up?

Rationale here is that the strongest human motivator is the social situation.  We know that stealing is one of the most difficult behavior to change because it deals with immediate gratification.  So the repayment for this behavior, stealing, must have a powerful motivator.  In some Eastern countries the punishment for such crimes is cut off the right hand.  Why the right hand?  The right hands used for eating and the left for personal hygiene, wiping his butt.  When the punished person attempts to eat communally with his left hand he will be shunned.  the social contain is the most powerful motivator.  Today everyone is talking about the “bully!”  Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can really hurt me.   This family will need to implement the social condition if they would really like their 11 year old boy to learn from this experience.  The 11 year old stole from the family by stealing form the parents.  Literally the child does not care.  This child is just one big walking ID.  “I want, I want, I want……..”  His superego, awareness of the needs of the tribal structure have not yet been matured.  The child still thinks its all about him.  Whens the parents budget out of the family lifestyle daily activities and foods that affect all the 11 years old siblings, the social condition will have cut off his right hand.  Chips, sodas, sweets, cold cereals, satellite tv etc. etc. until the $500 is repaid.  Weekly money needs to be dropped into a jar so the whole family can see when repayment will reoccur.

George Bernard Shaw, English Victorian playwright once asked a stately lady at a party if she would sleep with him for a 1000 pounds?  She blushed and said, “perhaps.”  Mr. Shaw persisted, “Would you sleep with me for 5 pounds?”  The woman turned to him indignantly, “What kind of woman do you think I am!”  Mr Shaw replied, “That’s already been determined.  Now we are just haggling price.”

Whether the boy stole a nickel, a dollar, or a peek at porn.  They are stealing trust and respect.  The child is telling us what he needs to learn, the tribal dance.  the 11 year old must move from selfish child, the id, to working part of the social order, the superego.  This is easiest accomplished through the social situation rather than the “Tyrant verses the serf.”

This is Dr. B reminding you, that we are not alone.

How would it feel to be analyzed by Sigmund Freud’s psycho-sexual theories? Was Freud misunderstood genius or a misogynist? Today, I am going to be speaking as Sigmund Freud.

For fun, what would Freud say about your subconscious anger for the opposite sex? Can the games we play measure your level of anger? Some games we can find on-line like TRUCK NUTZ SHOOTOUT. Other games are actual assessment tools that psychologists call psychometrics.  Whether on the internet or in a clinical setting, the images we see are actually symbols that we react to and interpret.  Freud saw all human behavior as motivated by instincts, our physical needs. These instincts perpetuate the life of the individual, by motivating the human to seek pleasure and avoid pain. The life of our specie is dependent on this drive, motivating us to have sex. We are, after all, social creatures, and sex is the most social of needs. We have to remember that sex drive is much more than copulation! The motivational energy of this sex drive, the “oomph” that powers, Freud called libido, it means “I desire.” The male is so happy when he has the direction of his erection. When the male fails to have erections, he will visit his physician and say, “My libido is not functioning.” The physician knows exactly what the male patient is referring. Hence, Freud’s psycho-sexual theories are an integral part of our belief system. When did this all begin?

Sexuality is the fundamental motive of human behavior. Perpetuation of the specie. Sex is the dominant need. It is the drive to touch and it is the drive to smell and it is the desire to see. This is especially true for the male. The male is the hunter. He must see his prey.  90% of all pornography is for men while women spend their lives trying to look good for them. In female memory recall, talking and listening to the male, to remember if he has a bank account to support her breeding needs, is more important than stud appeal. For the male it is all visual desire. It is the hunters desire. When did this hostility between the sexes pop up?

Between the ages of 5-7 years old, the primary focus of our sexual energy is on the genitals. At this age, children begin to discover the differences between males and females. The girl realizes she does not have a penis and develops “penis envy.” She is angry for being stripped of this power. But for most girls, the mother teaches her a feminine gender identity and she grows out of “penis envy” anxiety.  The boy realizes he has a penis and fears castration by the female. Eventually the boys and girls grow out of their fear and learn to be a part of the family dynamics and later a part of the social structure. But some never cease to fear being stripped of their power!

Do you feel stripped of your power? What is your level of sexual anger? Sigmund Freud’s theories challenged our civilization, especially the female.

Do you dare to find out if you are losing your power to the opposite sex?  Why do you feel so surprised? Sex drive overpowers all human reason. Why are sexually transmitted diseases epidemic? The secret thoughts of the human cannot hide from the diagnostic eye of Sigmund Freud. Even in a game. Why? It is impossible for the human being to tell a lie. Psychometric testing games can reveal your darkest most primitive secrets. What is your secret feelings toward the opposite sex?

Men that have assimilated their castration fear and have very little repressed anger for the opposite sex, have a tendency to score low in their initial game to destroy symbols of sex drive. Sexuality is the fundamental motive of human behavior and the lack of action to destroy or interpret these symbols as anger indicate that they do not feel threatened by the female. In fact he welcomes her into his circle of trust. He is not oversensitive to the female and feign feelings that the female desires to hear, like expressing your feelings and talking through his anger. He also realizes that to the female, the sex drive is much more than copulation! Even if that’s what he really wants to do. He knows there is sexual differences in thought and actions and emotion and processing. He knows these can never really be bridged but accept and he enjoy the differences. Being a metro male repulses him.

However, men that never quite assimilate the fear of having their power emasculated will express a repressed anger to score high in their initial game of destroying these symbols. These results indicate that you have never grown out of castration fear. You see the women as being inferior and a threat. You can never really trust the female. The scrotum and testis are actually a very vulnerable part of the human anatomy. Even women today refer to the “balls” as form of power. “She didn’t have the balls to do it!” she says. Why does even the female see male genitals as the primal source of power? The male of course with his very vulnerable package calls this power Castration Fear. The male sleeps at night in fear that the enemy, the female, will cut off his balls. You have very little trust. Not that you do not pretend to be caring and sensitive. Your brand of man always appears to be the most kind and sensitive.  We have a tendency to confuse being a “man” and “sensitivity.” You prey upon this confusion. After all, you cannot do without your “sex.” Male and female human animals have no inkling what the other sex is thinking or even feeling. The relationship is one of trust and you are forever doubtful and sleep with “one eye open.” You are secretly chauvinistic and only see the female as something to be used to fulfill your sexual needs.

I once cautioned a female psychologist that she had no clinical right or ability to counsel young males regarding anger management. This psychologist stood up immediately and began to raise her voice in challenge. She was angry. Anger is a sign that someone is out of control. It is form of anxiety. After she ceased her diatribe, I clarified “How could she counsel a young male whose source of energy is testosterone? She has no idea what the the young male is feeling! In fact, she is interpreting his anger as being “pathological” because she does not possess this drive.” I said that would be like me, a male psychologist, counseling a young mother regarding her postpartum depression. The female psychologist snapped back, “Of course you cannot! How would you, a male, know what it is like!” I smiled after making my point.

Most women that never quite assimilate the fear of having their power domesticated will express a repressed anger to score high in their initial game of shooting scrotums because they have never grown out of “penis envy” like this female psychologist. They continue to feel a lack and have acquired a masculinity complex in which you take part in “phallic” activity that is characteristic of the male. They wage war on men, society, marriage, motherhood. They subconsciously scream, “If I have no penis I’ll cut off his!” They prove themselves worthy of masculinity by performing male-role chores and professions. They discard the Barbie and blow up a tank with a bazooka. They repress the desire to nurture with the doll but feel that anger, “penis envy,”  and blame the male for their dissatisfaction. Socially they see the woman as being superior. They are vocal and promote the metro male. You can never really trust the male.  Even though you refer to the “balls” as a form of power being hung by both male and female. They will say in a mixed group, “She didn’t have the balls to do it!” They secretly fantasize about cutting off his balls in the middle of the night. They have very little trust. Not that they don’t pretend to be caring and sensitive. The relationship is one of trust and they are forever doubtful. They castrate through feigned “rights advocacy.” You advocate female dominant world by reducing the man to metro-male.   You send the male to concentration camps of ideology.  You legally insist he must learn to see the world as rainbow and male rage as dysfunctional  He must learn to be submissive. You advocate that male-children be drugged if you observe any testosterone behavior. You will burn the village rather than admit your fear.

The male and female are as different as night and day. It is an unknown that cannot be penetrated. It cannot be fixed. It can only be respected and appreciated. Like viewing nude statues of Michelangelo’s David or Venus Di Milo. Both strike us speechless. Male and female human animals have no inkling what the other sex is thinking or even feeling.

“A rose by any other name would still be a rose…”  And Sigmund Freud by any other name would still be Sigmund Freud.  Just for fun, try taking a psychometric test that measures your sexual anger. The results may surprise you.  Or maybe they would not?

This is Dr. B reminding you, that we are not alone.

Basic Behavioral Psychology 101 teaches that we direct our children with words that lead where we want them to grow.  So if a child is running down the hall, we do not shout “Don’t run!”  Because the human brain will not remember the abstract words but will retain only the concrete.  Hence, the child, or adult for that matter, will only remember the word “run.”  Only use words that lead where we want to grow, “please walk.”

How are minds molded?  Through propaganda.  We can allow the government to program our brain and our children, DRUGS, DRUGS, DRUGS.

Adolph Hitler said in 1933, “HE ALONE, WHO OWNS THE YOUTH, GAINS THE FUTURE.”   Or we can begin to program ourselves.  A young corporate manager came into my office saying, “I feel so stupid today!”  I replied, “Is that what you want to happen?”  What ever we say that’s what we will get.  It is just as easy to say how “bright” we feel.  What are we programming?  Garbage in, garbage out.  To managers of industry I teach them to write affirmations.   Affirmations are a list of events that list what they would like to happen in the four categories of their life:  Friends, education, health, spiritual.  Then they write what they would like to happen in each category but state it in the present tense.  Example, “I enjoy reading books.  I enjoy my friends that attend college.  I am very clever and people enjoy being with me.  I’m the kind of individual that develops wealth.”  They are instructed to read and visualize every morning.  Yes.  Raising successful children is just as easy as this.  After all, how does programming occur?  One word at a time.

Instead, individuals program themselves in all the thoughts that deter their happiness and success: “I’m always late and a dollar short.  I don’t feel well today.”  They listen to the news each morning with scrambled messages, “It’s going to be bad weather today. Rain.”  Who said rain was bad?  Then you meet them and they are wearing a frown repeating, “Bad weather today.”   Is that what you want to happen?

Here is a question?  Why is the government instilling in our children to focus on taking drugs?   Why is our society permeated with a youth that is drug oriented?

Whatever we say, that is what is going to happen.  The programming starts with one.  It starts with you.  Then it starts with our children.

The people we are with and books that we read will determine who we will be tomorrow.

My grandmother used to say, “Show me a man’s friends, and I’ll show you who that man is going to be.”  After all,  “HE ALONE, WHO OWNS THE YOUTH, GAINS THE FUTURE.”

This Dr. B reminding you, that we are not alone.

Talk therapy presumes that the human animal has learned that  fulfillment of their needs requires  a work ethic.  I have had people from all caliber of the social structure comment, “Well, what does a child really need?”  These people must have come from the planet “Need.”  Earth does not fulfill because of need.  If you doubt this equation, please strip naked and sit in the middle of the Amazon rain forest.  The animals and insects that will feed upon you have learned to earn.  All animals on Earth learn to earn.  Not only does that equation grow the food we eat but it builds the mettle that makes the human whole.  That  is the definition of self-esteem.     Self-esteem certainly is not derived from talk therapy or an undeserved hug.  I have had children come to me and say, “Give me a bottle of water.  I need it.  I’m thirsty!”  Where did this work ethic of “Need” come from?  I reply, “What have you done to deserve this water?”  The child will usually look at me with quizzical eyes and repeat, ”Don’t you understand Dr. B?  I said I was thirsty.”   The animal must learn this behavior through some kind of pain experience.

Talk therapy requires that the human animal’s need for satisfaction has learned to wait until it has been learned.  The animal must learn this behavior through some kind of pain experience.  We have heard  the adage, “ The kid is going through the school of hard knocks.”  5% of the human population do not choose the school of hard knocks.  That is probably why people are crashing the borders of the United States.  It is the last bastion of a truly egalitarian society that practices “If you do the work you will get the pay.”

That of course is gradually changing as Obama creates taxes like “Unearned income.”  I remember when I first heard that term.  What did it mean?  Ahh.  All the working people that attempt to get ahead and make the economy solvent by creating art, building businesses, fixing up second homes instead of sitting in coffee houses or drinking beer after their 9-5 job will be punished with taxes for their work by the current government.  Let me see about this equation?  If I work hard and invest the dollars I have already been taxed on ”l will be punished.  If I watch TV and do nothing I will not be punished.”  You go Obama!  With this strategy we won’t be concerned about immigration.  They will cease flooding the borders of opportunity.  But some individuals keep trying. There will always be the 5%.  The mavericks that choose true leadership by blazing the trail for themselves, not corporate promotion of conformity.

Some individuals choose formal institutional schooling.  They experience incremental pain of not having their needs met immediately.  They take 4-8 years of schooling before they have the desired rewards.  The longer they go to school living a life of conspicuous poverty, the greater their reward when they graduate.  These individuals, those that do not drop out of school because it’s too hard, learn delayed gratification by delaying what they want until they have “Learned to Earn” their shingle. The shingle is their sign they hang outside their office:  Doctor, Lawyer, Psychologist, Indian Chief.   I have had a 26 year old threaten me, “If my parents do not pay for my rent I’ll sell drugs and make the money fast and they’ll  will be sorry.”  Here we see an example of an individual who is still using crib behavior (threatening, crying, tantruming) to acquire their desires.  Talk therapy cannot penetrate this human’s reasoning.  This adult female has chosen the school of “hard-knocks.”

We cannot talk the talk without the steps of learning.   We cannot be more than who we are.  We cannot give something we do not have.  We cannot give money that we have not earned.  We cannot give love if we do not have love.  It is a law of the universe,  just like the law of gravity.  We cannot harvest crops we have not planted.  And we can only learn through pain.  Planting crops is a labor of pain.  Going to school is a form of incremental pain.  “It’s hard!”  I did not make these rules. They were here when I arrived on the planet.  Cognitive therapy can only be effective if it is followed by behavioral steps of learning.  Like giving the advice of “go to school.”  What happens to this girl and 95% of the population that want it now? They finally get a job that does not fulfill their childhood dreams and they inevitably shrink their dreams to match their lifestyle.  Then they surround themselves with others of like circumstances and repeat the mantra, “the days of becoming rich are over.”  Instead of that twinkle in their eyes as they had when they were a child with the whole world in front of them, they drink the twinkle back into their eyes to forget their dreams.  Some of course choose the path to prison, like possibly this young 26 year old girl.  Some individuals who chose the “fast car” right out of high school can acquire wealth by slowly investing very small amounts for 30 years.  But that of course, like schooling, requires delayed gratification.  They must wait for their investment to grow and do without some luxury in the present for some future achievement.  But like schooling they say “Its too Hard”!  That’s why only 5% of the population creates the jobs and wealth for the 95%.  That 5% have gone to school and lived with denial of their desires to build something greater than themselves.  The secret to this equation of delayed gratification for the wealth of our dreams, is in the doing and building that builds happiness.  We call it self-esteem.  Self-esteem is achieved by an individual’s awareness that they can control their environment to achieve their dreams.  Happiness is achieved not through the “getting” but by the “doing.”  So for talk therapy to be successful, the individual must be motivated to take the steps of doing.  Happiness is achieved not through the “getting” but by the “doing.”  So for talk therapy to be successful, the child must be motivated to take the steps of doing.  They must be willing to lift the bolts to rivet the bridge or at least attend welding classes.  Talk just will not change the individual and hope will not open the book.  Hope will not change the world without the labor.  My grandfather that sold hogs to the U.S. military during World War Two would probably put it more succinctly, “Put your money where your mouth is!  You talk the talk, but do you walk the walk?”

Incremental learning should begin at home when the child reaches the age of 6 years old.  Learning delayed gratification begins at home.  It begins with you.  Do a little get a little.  Do a lot get a lot.  On this planet we must plant the crop.  But always remember, whatever you plant that’s what you’re going to get.  Do you like your child’s behavior?  You planted it.  Always remember, you are on the planet earth.  If you plant carrots, you get carrots.  Not melons.  What have you been planting Mr. Obama?

This Dr. B reminding you, that we are not alone.