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	<title>Weekly Psyche</title>
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		<title>What you say is what you will get</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/what-you-say-is-what-you-will-get/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/what-you-say-is-what-you-will-get/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 03 Feb 2012 02:28:55 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Observations]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting Tips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Social Commentary]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=210</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When my son was in high school he attended a “Say no to Drugs” rally in the gym with the entire school.  A group was invited to demonstrate to the students on “How not to make drugs.”  My son came home and related that he would have never conceived of the idea.  Now he even [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>When my son was in high school he attended a “Say no to Drugs” rally in the gym with the entire school.  A group was invited to demonstrate to the students on “How not to make drugs.”  My son came home and related that he would have never conceived of the idea.  Now he even knows how to make them.  Then to honor this prophylactic week, kindergarten children through seniors in high school wear red ribbons or wrist bands with “Say no to drugs” in bold red colors.  A sixth grade girl came into my clinic wearing the ribbon and I asked her to remove it.  She refused because her  teacher will not give extra credit to those students not wearing red ribbons all week.  Now I ask you.  When you see the ribbon, what is first thought that comes to mind?  Drugs.  Drugs.  Drugs.  Drugs.</p>
<p>Basic Behavioral Psychology 101 teaches that we direct our children with words that lead where we want them to grow.  So if a child is running down the hall, we do not shout <span id="more-210"></span>“Don’t run!”  Because the human brain will not remember the abstract words but will retain only the concrete.  Hence, the child, or adult for that matter, will only remember the word “run.”  Only use words that lead where we want to grow, “please walk.”</p>
<p>How are minds molded?  Through propaganda.  We can allow the government to program our brain and our children, DRUGS, DRUGS, DRUGS.</p>
<p>Adolph Hitler said in 1933, “HE ALONE, WHO OWNS THE YOUTH, GAINS THE FUTURE.”   Or we can begin to program ourselves.  A young corporate manager came into my office saying, “I feel so stupid today!”  I replied, “Is that what you want to happen?”  What ever we say that’s what we will get.  It is just as easy to say how “bright” we feel.  What are we programming?  Garbage in, garbage out.  To managers of industry I teach them to write affirmations.   Affirmations are a list of events that list what they would like to happen in the four categories of their life:  Friends, education, health, spiritual.  Then they write what they would like to happen in each category but state it in the present tense.  Example, “I enjoy reading books.  I enjoy my friends that attend college.  I am very clever and people enjoy being with me.  I’m the kind of individual that develops wealth.”  They are instructed to read and visualize every morning.  Yes.  Raising successful children is just as easy as this.  After all, how does programming occur?  One word at a time.</p>
<p>Instead, individuals program themselves in all the thoughts that deter their happiness and success: “I’m always late and a dollar short.  I don’t feel well today.”  They listen to the news each morning with scrambled messages, “It’s going to be bad weather today. Rain.”  Who said rain was bad?  Then you meet them and they are wearing a frown repeating, “Bad weather today.”   Is that what you want to happen?</p>
<p>Here is a question?  Why is the government instilling in our children to focus on taking drugs?   Why is our society permeated with a youth that is drug oriented?</p>
<p>Whatever we say, that is what is going to happen.  The programming starts with one.  It starts with you.  Then it starts with our children.</p>
<p>The people we are with and books that we read will determine who we will be tomorrow.</p>
<p>My grandmother used to say, “Show me a man’s friends, and I’ll show you who that man is going to be.”  After all,  “HE ALONE, WHO OWNS THE YOUTH, GAINS THE FUTURE.”</p>
<p>This Dr. B reminding you, that we are not alone.</p>
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		<title>Hope cannot change the world</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/hope-cannot-change-the-world/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/hope-cannot-change-the-world/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Jan 2012 02:14:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Observations]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting Tips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Help]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=196</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Think of this as a short reality show all about talk therapy.    Families frequently ask me if I have had a conversation with their child about what is acceptable and what is not to earn their rewards.  “Maybe they just don’t understand!”  I have had parents ask me this about children from 7 years [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Think of this as a short reality show all about talk therapy.    Families frequently ask me if I have had a conversation with their child about what is acceptable and what is not to earn their rewards.  “Maybe they just don’t understand!”  I have had parents ask me this about children from 7 years to 37 years.  “Are you sure they understand what they have to do to earn?”  These parents still want to believe that a conversation can build bridges.  This is the story of “Talk Therapy.”  It is a real story parents pretend about innocence but it is really about ignorance masquerading.</p>
<p>Talk therapy presumes that the human animal has learned that  fulfillment of their needs requires  a work ethic.  I have had people from all caliber of the social structure comment, &#8220;Well, what does a child really need?&#8221;  These people must have come from the planet &#8220;Need.&#8221;  Earth does not fulfill because of need.  If you doubt this equation, please strip naked and sit in the middle of the Amazon rain forest.  The animals and insects that will feed upon you have learned to earn.  All animals on Earth learn to earn.  Not only does that equation grow the food we eat but it builds the mettle that makes the human whole.  That  is the definition of self-esteem.     Self-esteem certainly is not derived from talk therapy or an undeserved hug.  I have had children come to me and say, &#8220;Give me a bottle of water.  I need it.  I&#8217;m thirsty!&#8221;  Where did this work ethic of &#8220;Need&#8221; come from?  I reply, &#8220;What have you done to deserve this water?&#8221;  The child will usually look at me with quizzical eyes and repeat, &#8221;Don&#8217;t you understand Dr. B?  I said I was thirsty.&#8221;   The animal must learn this behavior through some kind of pain experience.<span id="more-196"></span></p>
<p>Talk therapy requires that the human animal&#8217;s need for satisfaction has learned to wait until it has been learned.  The animal must learn this behavior through some kind of pain experience.  We have heard  the adage, “ The kid is going through the school of hard knocks.”  5% of the human population do not choose the school of hard knocks.  That is probably why people are crashing the borders of the United States.  It is the last bastion of a truly egalitarian society that practices &#8220;If you do the work you will get the pay.&#8221;</p>
<p>That of course is gradually changing as Obama creates taxes like &#8220;Unearned income.&#8221;  I remember when I first heard that term.  What did it mean?  Ahh.  All the working people that attempt to get ahead and make the economy solvent by creating art, building businesses, fixing up second homes instead of sitting in coffee houses or drinking beer after their 9-5 job will be punished with taxes for their work by the current government.  Let me see about this equation?  If I work hard and invest the dollars I have already been taxed on &#8221;l will be punished.  If I watch TV and do nothing I will not be punished.&#8221;  You go Obama!  With this strategy we won&#8217;t be concerned about immigration.  They will cease flooding the borders of opportunity.  But some individuals keep trying. There will always be the 5%.  The mavericks that choose true leadership by blazing the trail for themselves, not corporate promotion of conformity.</p>
<p>Some individuals choose formal institutional schooling.  They experience incremental pain of not having their needs met immediately.  They take 4-8 years of schooling before they have the desired rewards.  The longer they go to school living a life of conspicuous poverty, the greater their reward when they graduate.  These individuals, those that do not drop out of school because it’s too hard, learn delayed gratification by delaying what they want until they have “Learned to Earn” their shingle. The shingle is their sign they hang outside their office:  Doctor, Lawyer, Psychologist, Indian Chief.   I have had a 26 year old threaten me, “If my parents do not pay for my rent I’ll sell drugs and make the money fast and they’ll  will be sorry.”  Here we see an example of an individual who is still using crib behavior (threatening, crying, tantruming) to acquire their desires.  Talk therapy cannot penetrate this human’s reasoning.  This adult female has chosen the school of “hard-knocks.”</p>
<p>We cannot talk the talk without the steps of learning.   We cannot be more than who we are.  We cannot give something we do not have.  We cannot give money that we have not earned.  We cannot give love if we do not have love.  It is a law of the universe,  just like the law of gravity.  We cannot harvest crops we have not planted.  And we can only learn through pain.  Planting crops is a labor of pain.  Going to school is a form of incremental pain.  “It’s hard!”  I did not make these rules. They were here when I arrived on the planet.  Cognitive therapy can only be effective if it is followed by behavioral steps of learning.  Like giving the advice of “go to school.”  What happens to this girl and 95% of the population that want it now? They finally get a job that does not fulfill their childhood dreams and they inevitably shrink their dreams to match their lifestyle.  Then they surround themselves with others of like circumstances and repeat the mantra, “the days of becoming rich are over.”  Instead of that twinkle in their eyes as they had when they were a child with the whole world in front of them, they drink the twinkle back into their eyes to forget their dreams.  Some of course choose the path to prison, like possibly this young 26 year old girl.  Some individuals who chose the “fast car” right out of high school can acquire wealth by slowly investing very small amounts for 30 years.  But that of course, like schooling, requires delayed gratification.  They must wait for their investment to grow and do without some luxury in the present for some future achievement.  But like schooling they say “Its too Hard”!  That’s why only 5% of the population creates the jobs and wealth for the 95%.  That 5% have gone to school and lived with denial of their desires to build something greater than themselves.  The secret to this equation of delayed gratification for the wealth of our dreams, is in the doing and building that builds happiness.  We call it self-esteem.  Self-esteem is achieved by an individual’s awareness that they can control their environment to achieve their dreams.  Happiness is achieved not through the “getting” but by the “doing.”  So for talk therapy to be successful, the individual must be motivated to take the steps of doing.  Happiness is achieved not through the “getting” but by the “doing.”  So for talk therapy to be successful, the child must be motivated to take the steps of doing.  They must be willing to lift the bolts to rivet the bridge or at least attend welding classes.  Talk just will not change the individual and hope will not open the book.  Hope will not change the world without the labor.  My grandfather that sold hogs to the U.S. military during World War Two would probably put it more succinctly, &#8220;Put your money where your mouth is!  You talk the talk, but do you walk the walk?&#8221;</p>
<p>Incremental learning should begin at home when the child reaches the age of 6 years old.  Learning delayed gratification begins at home.  It begins with you.  Do a little get a little.  Do a lot get a lot.  On this planet we must plant the crop.  But always remember, whatever you plant that&#8217;s what you&#8217;re going to get.  Do you like your child&#8217;s behavior?  You planted it.  Always remember, you are on the planet earth.  If you plant carrots, you get carrots.  Not melons.  What have you been planting Mr. Obama?</p>
<p>This Dr. B reminding you, that we are not alone.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>Peter Pan World Without A Happy Ending</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/peter-pan-world-without-a-happy-ending/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/peter-pan-world-without-a-happy-ending/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 08 Jan 2012 18:49:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Observations]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting Tips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Help]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=187</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Any time delayed gratification is removed from the social structure of learned or taught behaviors, we have a decline in the social fabric. Without delayed gratification, an individual cannot take the necessary time to learn necessary behaviors for survival. Until three generations ago, this was not an issue because mother nature was the flawless teacher. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Any time delayed gratification is removed from the social structure of learned or taught behaviors, we have a decline in the social fabric. Without delayed gratification, an individual cannot take the necessary time to learn necessary behaviors for survival. Until three generations ago, this was not an issue because mother nature was the flawless teacher. 90% of human beings lived an agrarian life of farming. Small family farms that dictated, &#8220;Those who did not plant did not reap. And those who do not reap do not eat.&#8221; This required the concept of &#8220;delayed gratification.&#8221; But now all pain oriented learning required of our children is outlawed by the state. Our young children have been taught by our institutions, that on a whim, they can call the authorities and have their elders imprisoned with a &#8220;story of anxiety,&#8221; natures teachings are inverted.<span id="more-187"></span></p>
<p>Our young express anger because they are allowed to make the rules which means there are no rules or structure to this game of life. This, in turn, means there cannot be expressions of love which is own of the foundations of family structure. Love here is being defined as the ability to create accountability for child behavior patterns. Some tribes of the American Indian, when the young male reached puberty, would take the male child 7 days walk away from the tribal structure.  When the child found his way back to the tribe, mother nature had taught him the need for tribal structure.  The child had purpose and larger structure to respect.  Today, the child would call social services or the police and elder <span>Indians</span> would be jailed. And the child would be given all that they desired with cry and a sigh.  Which is the exhibition of crib behaviors, the instinctual survival behaviors of a baby human (crying and screaming for their needs to be met). But now, instead of the <span>parents</span> running to pamper and change  the child, it is the state. But what happens when not only &#8220;delayed gratification learning&#8221; is forbidden by  the state but family structure is being <span>nurtured</span> by the state that can no longer learn the concept of &#8220;delayed gratification&#8221;?  If these state nurtured families were left on the family farm 3 generations ago, these state <span>nurtured</span> families would have perished from starvation. But what if not one family, but the majority of families in the farming community could no longer till their plot ground?</p>
<p>Although this post falls under the category of &#8220;Parenting Tips,&#8221; it&#8217;s impact falls much deeper to the fabric of the break down of social structure, where the young become restless and destructive,  because it deals with the destruction of the family. Our larger-social structure is built around the foundations of healthy family dynamics.  If the family is unhealthy, then the community must assist and sometimes absorb the individuals of this broken family. But normally each family represents mini-bricks that build the wall of our social structure that are cinder blocks to our nation. Healthy family, healthy nation.  Sick family, sick nation. But what if too many families begin to show signs of sickness due to gradual infiltration of the states interference posing itself as &#8220;caring beneficence.&#8221;</p>
<p>When did this begin you may ask?   Franklyn Delano Roosevelt?  Lyndon B. Johnson?   I am going to take you on a trail and tell a tale and allow you to determine the extrapolation of its consequences.  When once telling this story to a knot of psychologists at cocktail party, they would disperse very quickly with their eyes twitching from side to side as if they feared the state could read their thoughts. The world thought it rid itself of the <span>Goebbels</span> and <span>Himmler&#8217;s</span> of the twentieth century.</p>
<p><span>This should be the  foundation for a work of science fiction.  But it is not a book-tale.  This is your tale.  I have run out of space and time.  Read my next post to finish this story on today&#8217;s parenting gone awry.  Peter pan without a happy ending.</span></p>
<p>This <span><span>dr</span></span> b reminding you that we are not alone.</p>
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		<title>Backstairs and Love affairs</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/backstairs-and-love-affairs/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/backstairs-and-love-affairs/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 11 Dec 2011 10:20:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Observations]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Help]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=166</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Ahh the quick and dirty. As the title indicates something sinister and nasty. I have always contended that the human being is motivated primarily by Lust and Fear. Fear keeps us alive long enough to procreate the specie, lust. Lust and fear each deal with immediate gratification. But immediate gratification is a child&#8217;s game that [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Ahh the quick and dirty. As the title indicates something sinister and nasty. I have always contended that the human being is motivated primarily by Lust and Fear. Fear keeps us alive long enough to procreate the specie, lust. Lust and fear each deal with immediate gratification. But immediate gratification is a child&#8217;s game that one must grow out of. It is the crib we are born with to survive on this planet as naked and defenseless suckling mammals. Unless the human being learns delayed gratification they will never be joining the harvest season of life. It is the bridges we learn how to build across the rivers of life and not the walking across the bridge that builds the self esteem of living. Ah backstairs and love affairs.<span id="more-166"></span></p>
<p>A parent called me the other day frustrated over their children&#8217;s performance on tests. They wanted to boost them so Ivy league schools would take notice. But the parent is still living under the stairwell wanting that one glimpse of satisfaction. Research tells us that if we want our children to learn permanent behaviors for success like &#8220;Getting an A on test papers&#8221; they must nurture the child to learn the process of what it takes to earn an A and not the product itself. It falls into the same old adage that says if you want a child to survive long after we are departed from this planet, we should have taught the child how to fish and not just give them the fish. My primary purpose when working with children is to enable them to be a success in our society. And I am using the word children as any human that has not yet learned how to catch their own fish. So during the school years it could be 7 years to 17 years old.  In the corporate world as an industrial psychologist the ages range from 25 to 45.  Lets face it, if they haven&#8217;t learned how to catch their own fish by that time the corporation will impose the real reality show of life upon the individual and &#8220;FIRE&#8221; them. Then they exist under the motto &#8220;sink or swim.&#8221;  But that&#8217;s an entirely new post.</p>
<p>This parent suggested paying $5 to $10 for every test grade above a B.  But the grade results will most likely be the parents effort and not teach the child how to acquire the necessary behaviors for success. And here success is being defined by an &#8220;A.&#8221;  I will agree with the parent about raising the child&#8217;s working behavior awareness. We do this by rewarding an area of difficulty in the steps that lead to successful institutional attitude. It is the attitude that creates the grade change.  We must pay the child for their work.  Shocking?  We pay them anyway. Think about all the out of pocket money is spent on a child every week.  Why not take that same amount and allocate the funds for the behaviors, the actions, that create the healthy positive tribal behaviors, like getting an &#8220;A.&#8221;</p>
<p>Teach the child  &#8221;to ask for help&#8221;  should be rewarded.  Why? Because this behavior, which is necessary to acquire &#8220;good grades,&#8221; is strongly forbidden in our society through our DNA development. Asking for help is an indication of weakness by our DNA. But this behavioral instinct must be relearned if a child is to be successful in our complex society. But most humans would rather go to the grave than admit they need help from another human being. I remember a couple that built new office space so both husband and wife could work at home together in the same room. It was a beautiful design but the TV was actually on the counter and cluttered up their work space. I suggested they mount the TV on the wall to liberate the space.  They spent most of the afternoon explaining why that idea could not possibly function within their unique space. I did not argue of course. Confrontation is exactly what they wanted. It would have given them the 5th law of human behavior: &#8220;All humans must feel the need to form personal empowerment.&#8221; In my next post, I will reveal the 7 laws that motivate all human beings. Notice I did not say, &#8220;Some human beings&#8221; but &#8220;ALL&#8221; human beings. Somehow modern politics have scrambled our omelets so egos can&#8217;t be bruised and no egg shell can be broken. The next week the couple had the inspiration to mount the TV on the wall and take credit for the idea. Why? Dumb DNA.</p>
<p>However, building healthy children with the necessary instincts is also a battle with political structures that dictates how we think. Example? Because of our sophisticated technology human beings with below normal IQ&#8217;s are surviving.   Political structures were built to accommodate a major portion of the social structure for IQ&#8217;s well below normal. Those that are well below the social structure should have died at birth as not to vitiate the gene pool.  But social structures were created that artificially support unhealthy lifestyle, usually through some social program. If a child&#8217;s IQ is too low we cannot teach them how to fish for themselves, or even how to read. Only the child that learns how to fish can be happy a child and contribute to the tribal structure. They can pay taxes. Zoloft prescriptions for anxiety cannot replace an individual&#8217;s ability to contribute to the group structure.  At the root of all anxiety is an individual&#8217;s lack of contribution to the group. It is in the DNA.</p>
<p>Ahh backstair and love affairs.  Society lives for the moment and only encourages immediate gratification, &#8220;Give it to me NOW!&#8221; Anxiety is a natural function of DNA. The individual must do what the tribe demands or the specie will not survive. The government has now classified anxiety as &#8220;child abuse.&#8221; I have attended many a meeting where withholding rewards from children until they did their work was considered malpractice and an issue of &#8220;social services&#8221; because it caused the child anxiety. This issue sounds absurd, but it is the governments answer especially with the escalation of low IQ&#8217;s within the gene pool. We cannot fix something we cannot define. If too many children have low IQ&#8217;s, they must be accommodated. And the lower the IQ, the higher the anxiety rate because grasping &#8220;How to fish&#8221; or &#8220;How to read&#8221; cannot be accommodated. The rules are changed by the government through our institutions and anxiety is seen as a nemesis and not as a healthy side effect of not conforming or completing ones task that create the necessary &#8220;good grades.&#8221;</p>
<p>The inability to learn and low IQ is not a popular subject.  But the lower the IQ, the less delayed gratification an animal can tolerate.  When a threshold of learning is reached, anxiety is the outcome. We have tested this anxiety threshold by experimenting teaching dogs to discriminate between simple geometric shapes. The dog was able to discriminate between a circle and a square but when an elliptical shape was presented the dog began to howl, claw, and bite. The dog began to exhibit severe signs of anxiety.  Why? Because of a dogs low intelligence, learning thresholds are reached  rapidly. But we cannot fix it if we are not allowed to define the problem. It is the battle of ideology through government propaganda. I was sitting at one meeting with a 17 year old child who refused to attend school. Parents and educators wanted this changed. While they were discussing the problem, the 17 year old was texting and talking on his phone with friends. Who is paying for this privilege of texting and calling? I brought this to the meetings attention. The institution said that if the phone was removed until school day completed the child would get angry. And why do we want to intentionally make the child angry? &#8220;The child is already taking anti-anxiety medication!&#8221; And what is the result of this interference that forbids teaching our children delayed gratification?  Well, a Peter Pan world without a happy ending. But that is for my another post. The dissembling of Never Neverland. Read my next post for the future to come.</p>
<p>&#8220;Give it to me NOW!&#8221; Anxiety is a natural function of DNA. The individual must do what the tribe demands or the specie will not survive. But government has interfered by propaganda of ideology. Not doing what needs to be done used to be called sin (unhealthy behavior). If a human sins too often it creates anxiety.</p>
<p>So I told the parent that we pay the child $5 each day the child voluntarily seeks the parents advice on how to study. The grades will automatically follow. But the money must be denied if the job is not complete! And what occurs as the child goes through the learning curve? Anxiety.</p>
<p>This is Dr. B reminding you that we are not alone!</p>
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		<title>Where is your goat tied up?</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/where-is-your-goat-tied-up/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/where-is-your-goat-tied-up/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 07 Dec 2011 01:38:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Self-Help]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=154</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[There was a family meeting where a young 20-something male was discussing whether he should let his girlfriend know about his jealousy. This particular situation involved the taboo of dating in the workplace. Of course, in their workplace, the exclusive relationship was kept a secret from workplace employees. Hence, other male employees as well as [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There was a family meeting where a young 20-something male was discussing whether he should let his girlfriend know about his jealousy. This particular situation involved the taboo of dating in the workplace. Of course, in their workplace, the exclusive relationship was kept a secret from workplace employees. Hence, other male employees as well as customers would flirt with his girl. The ugly head of jealousy surfaced!</p>
<p>Where is your goat tied up? This metaphor, “Where your goat is tied up” means “What bothers you?” What causes you to feel pain?</p>
<p>In front of a married couple, I gave the advice to this young man that he should never allow anybody, especially friends and lovers, to know “where your goat is tied up.”<br />
<span id="more-154"></span><br />
Why? Because when you do you will see an increase in the pattern of behavior you wanted to avoid. It is not because the human being is an animal that consciously seeks to cause pain. They do not even know they are doing it. If they were accused of it and “called out!” they would deny it to their grave. There is a sinister thing that goes on with the human being at a subconscious level. It is the iceberg-metaphor of the human brain. The great mass of the ice berg is submerged. We only see the exposed tip. What triggers and motivates human behavior functions primarily below the surface of the water. Most of the human animal’s motivations for action is beneath the surface of conscious awareness. What human motivation are we discussing? POWER. </p>
<p>The power to be able to control their environment through their own actions. Hence, the motivation for the historical quest to conquer the frontiers, whether its undiscovered land masses on the planet or whether it is the exploration of outer-space.</p>
<p>To conquer, to have power, to control your environment through your own actions. To have power with no subjects? A king without a kingdom? Reminds me of the Hollywood script of a woman that married for money. Throughout their 60 year marriage she belittled her husband at every chance until he was cuckolded and castrated. They both died on the Titanic. When they faced their final judgement, she demanded a magnificent castle, which she was granted. The Maker gave the husband the choice of living with his wife in the castle or playing rugby with his old cronies from college. He chose his cronies and she was sentenced to live out eternity in her castle. Alone forever. She protested, “What good is a castle if you cannot show it off!” Her final words to her husband, “You swine!” </p>
<p>Power over people has always been the quintessential power.</p>
<p>So we allow the people, even the ones we love, to be privy to our weaknesses thinking they will be benevolent masters. There is no such thing as a benevolent master. If there is a master than the other must be a subject-slave.<br />
So our young 20-something shared his foibles of jealousy with his girlfriend and she began to taunt his weakness. If you doubt these dynamics think of siblings, brothers and sisters. When they know what bothers their siblings, they constantly taunt with this knowledge of their weaknesses. Of course they are scolded and disciplined for this by their parents, yet the disciplining parent will exhibit the same taunting behavior.</p>
<p>Where is your goat tied up?<br />
with their spouse. People think that if we divulge our weaknesses to our loved ones, their loved ones will allow the individual sympathy and support. Yet the opposite will occur. Once the weakness is known they, the master, will indulge with persecution.</p>
<p>I knew one married couple that complained of this bazaar human behavior. The husband said that when he would come home, his wife would immediately begin cleaning the kitchen, banging pots and pans. When the husband informed his spouse, the behavior increased. The banging of pots and pans increased until the husband did not know how to address it anymore, except by coming home less frequently.</p>
<p>Of course, the answer to the disturbing “pots and pans” behavior was “Not to address it at all.” Remember these needs are not an anomaly. They are the like the necessity for food, air, sex! As young humans turn into adulthood, these needs for POWER begin to increase. The adult human will seek out power however and wherever they can command it. Through the power of money or the power in their relationship. The manifestation of this power is defined by their environment. Remember the adage,”Those who have the gold make the rules.”</p>
<p>Informing people of what bothers you feeds the human animal desire for POWER. Hence, the advice to the jealous teen, “Never allow anyone to know where your goat is tied up.” This rule applies most the closer a person is too you because you will be with them the most. Those who love you the most will taunt you the most. Why?<br />
Because they want the power over you.</p>
<p>Is the human being a noble animal? Judge for yourself. I was sitting on a bus of elementary school children on a field trip. The teacher ask the children to keep the noise softer because she had a headache. How did the children respond to her request? Of course if this rings true with our loved ones, then it must ring true with our enemies. How do you know when someone is your enemy? </p>
<p>Film actor Betty Davis best described an enemy as “Anyone who tries to keep you from achieving your dreams and goals.” Contrary to political teachings, the human being is not an animal of mystery. Unique? One human’s intestines are like another. We all dream the same dreams and seek the same futility. POWER! “Where is your goat tied up?” This DR. B reminding you, that we are not alone.</p>
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		<title>Does your body language betray?</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/does_your_body_language_betray/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/does_your_body_language_betray/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 17 Mar 2010 19:01:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Help]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=138</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The eyes tell us who we are. Joseph Campbell, the guru of mythology, tells us that in evolution, the eyes were the last sense to develop. It&#8217;s the infancy of human development. Therefore, we are curious animals and we love to see ourselves. This is why we have a fascination with film and television. Each [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The eyes tell us who we are. Joseph Campbell, the guru of mythology, tells us that in evolution, the eyes were the last sense to develop. It&#8217;s the infancy of human development. Therefore, we are curious animals and we love to see ourselves. This is why we have a fascination with film and television. Each sitcom in a decade reflects back on who we are and we love to watch ourselves in action; it&#8217;s hypnotic.</p>
<p>When teaching classes at the university to graduate students, I help them to finally understand that there are laws of human behavior that govern our actions and reactions and how we interact is not chaos but we can manage and control and direct. Like government propaganda reprogramming the human being. Once they have this understanding, I ask them: &#8220;what do you appear to be to the people that see you? You stand in front of your students on a daily basis. Do you know what you project to them? Do you control what you project? If you do not, then you are out of control and you are allowing the environment and other people to determine what you teach and how you direct.&#8221;<span id="more-138"></span></p>
<p>In a counseling session with an individual, a young adult that wanted to attract relationships. She sat and she scowled and grimaced. I brought her over to a mirror and I said &#8220;look upon yourself. Is that the person that attracts other people?&#8221; She began to cry. &#8220;We begin communication through body language. 99% of communication is body language and you project the things you do not want&#8221;. The eyes were the last sense to develop and we are curious animals.</p>
<p>I had a meeting in a managers office and right behind the desk was a very powerful man, and right behind this man was a very powerful mirror; it was huge. I thought &#8220;my god, what an ego this man has. He loves to turn around and look at himself.&#8221; And yet the curiosity got the best of me and I said &#8220;why do you have a mirror on the wall behind your desk.&#8221; He said it was quite simple &#8220;when customers or clients come in and they&#8217;re angry and they&#8217;re emotional and neurotic, I move to one side when they&#8217;re speaking to me so that they can view themselves in the mirror and see exactly what they&#8217;re projecting. They are able to see the imbalance and neuroticness of their behavior and immediately, they restructure what they see to project what they desire without having to have verbal communication.&#8221;</p>
<p>What do you project? What do you&#8217;re children see? What does your spouse view as you walk in at the end of the day or at the beginning of the day? What about the people that you work with? Do you control or are you manipulated like a puppet? The eyes; we love to view ourselves and we love to view others. We can control this pattern of behavior. Look in the mirror on a daily basis and go through the moods and your swings and see what you project. Are you reactive or are proactive? You can take control through one of the last senses of human development. You can make sense of it.</p>
<p>This is your Weekly Dr. B reminding you that, We are not alone.</p>
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		<title>Participate in the mystery of chance: find the reinforcer</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/mystery_of_chance_find_the_reinforcer/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/mystery_of_chance_find_the_reinforcer/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 14 Mar 2010 17:03:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Elderly Parents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Management techniques]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting Tips]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=126</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Looking for the reinforcer &#8211; that&#8217;s what we do as parents, teachers, caregivers and leaders of industry: CEO&#8217;s and CFO&#8217;s. We look for the reinforcer. It was interesting sitting at a meeting with individuals that all earn over six figures a year, a group of them. The management was discussing a higher performance and a [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Looking for the reinforcer &#8211; that&#8217;s what we do as parents, teachers, caregivers and leaders of industry: CEO&#8217;s and CFO&#8217;s. We look for the reinforcer. It was interesting sitting at a meeting with individuals that all earn over six figures a year, a group of them. The management was discussing a higher performance and a higher success and I asked them: &#8220;what do you think would motivate you to want to do something different, to do more, to produce more?&#8221; Two of them stood up: &#8220;we like the envelope board!&#8221;</p>
<p>The envelope board is a cork board, that everybody has in their house somewhere, where they post messages or pin a picture. In this case, they pin sealed envelopes, and each sealed envelope has a different amount of money. As each salesperson produces something extra, however we define it, they&#8217;re able to go to the cork board and choose any envelope of mystery that they want. They strive to achieve their next goal in order to participate in the mystery of chance. As they produce something &#8216;extra&#8217;, their behavior is reinforced. <span id="more-126"></span></p>
<p>Sometimes at the end of the week you want something special from your offspring; you want them to get a higher grade, you want them to do the chores that they agreed to do or to express a certain attitude. You could have your little tyke select an envelope the next time they do a desired action. In fact, I am heading to a nursing home right now and I will be discussing some behavioral changes that would probably work better with the patient and the staff and when it&#8217;s done, I&#8217;m going to suggest that the staff present three envelopes on a tray that the patient can choose from.</p>
<p>Whether it&#8217;s a child, the elderly, the magnets of industry, caregivers, teachers, doctors and also you, mom and dad, we are all looking for the reinforcer. This is your Weekly Dr. B reminding you that, We are not alone.</p>
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		<title>The backlash of the sexes</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/backlash_of_sexes/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/backlash_of_sexes/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 10 Mar 2010 07:21:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Observations]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=122</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The Backlash In human culture, when a wrong has been righted, we usually have a group that retaliates even greater. In psychology, we call it &#8216;the backlash&#8217;. I had some high schoolers come into the clinic and the mother was very upset and had wrote on the back of their weekly contract that she wanted [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Backlash</span></p>
<p>In human culture, when a wrong has been righted, we usually have a group that retaliates even greater. In psychology, we call it &#8216;the backlash&#8217;. I had some high schoolers come into the clinic and the mother was very upset and had wrote on the back of their weekly contract that she wanted the child charged for telling her to shut up. The male teenager, who was 17, couldn&#8217;t understand why his mother was so upset. I told him that it indicates an incredible amount of disrespect. His was reply was the when i&#8217;m talking to my father and say &#8220;ah, come on pops, shut up&#8221; he doesn&#8217;t seem to mind as much and he seems to banter with me.</p>
<p>I asked an older American to please explain this phenomenon; is it merely a difference in the sexes or a difference in the culture. The older man replied &#8220;no, the female has been abused within the social structures of our societies for so many centuries, that finally when equity has arrived within our civilization, that they seem to have a great retaliation for hearing that word that seems to have kept them in their place for so many centuries.&#8221; The backlash is a cultural phenomenon that is not to be explained but just to be understood and accepted and to be aware.<span id="more-122"></span></p>
<p>This is your Weekly Dr. B reminding you that, We are not alone.</p>
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		<title>What a simple question of an elderly man can teach us</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/simple_questions_can_teach_us/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/simple_questions_can_teach_us/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Mar 2010 15:50:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Elderly Parents]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=98</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I want to talk to you for a moment about some of the elderly tribal members that sometimes we forget about. I was in a nursing home a few hours ago and the staff were concerned about an elderly gentleman who was probably in his 90&#8242;s and was paralyzed and he had problems being courteous. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I want to talk to you for a moment about some of the elderly tribal members that sometimes we forget about. I was in a nursing home a few hours ago and the staff were concerned about an elderly gentleman who was probably in his 90&#8242;s and was paralyzed and he had problems being courteous. When he wanted something, he would yell and when he would be reprimanded by the staff, he would get angry and they said he was verbally abusive. After listening to their concerns, I went in and talked to the gentleman.</p>
<p>As I entered his room, he was watching the TV and it was extremely loud. I asked him if I could talk to him or if he would rather watch the TV. He said &#8220;no, you can turn the TV off&#8221; and of course he was yelling at the time. I accidentally turned down the sound instead of turning the TV off and he immediately yelled at me &#8220;don&#8217;t turn the sound down!&#8221; I looked at him and said &#8220;are you angry? Why are you yelling at me?&#8221; and he replied with &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry, just turn the power off.&#8221; I turned the power off and went and sat down.<span id="more-98"></span></p>
<p>&#8220;You sound so angry and you are yelling&#8221; I said. He replied with &#8220;Yah know, my ears have been filled with wax for three weeks and the doctor is finally giving me some drops. I can&#8217;t hear anyone and I can&#8217;t hear myself talk and so it always sounds like I am yelling. I&#8217;m constantly having to raise my voice. I raise my voice and it gives me a sore throat and it then sounds like I am frustrated and have a lot of anger when I am really just trying to get my point across.&#8221;</p>
<p>You know, sometimes if we just ask the question and find out why, sometimes it&#8217;s not always behavioral. Our older tribal members aren&#8217;t children having tantrums, they are human beings and adults that have lived out their lives in the tribe. They often need service and are sometimes misunderstood because we don&#8217;t always know where they&#8217;re coming from. Sometimes with a simple question of why, they&#8217;ll gladly explain it to us. If we only see them as quandum participants or children, we&#8217;ll have a tendency to misdiagnose and mistreat. Sometimes just being direct and asking the question &#8220;why?&#8221;, we&#8217;ll get a pretty respectful answer. This is your Weekly Dr. B reminding you that, We are not alone!</p>
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		<title>Fiefdoms, old ladies and gossip</title>
		<link>http://www.weeklydrb.com/fiefdoms_old_ladies_and_gossip/</link>
		<comments>http://www.weeklydrb.com/fiefdoms_old_ladies_and_gossip/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Mar 2010 03:45:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. B</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Management techniques]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.weeklydrb.com/?p=93</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Today I want to talk about fiefdoms, old ladies and gossip. Those are usually very important tribal ingredients that keep the activity of the human being alive. A fiefdom is a medieval term in which rulers would gather power structure around them, usually by developing a certain number of solders or knights and rent out [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Today I want to talk about fiefdoms, old ladies and gossip. Those are usually very important tribal ingredients that keep the activity of the human being alive. A fiefdom is a medieval term in which rulers would gather power structure around them, usually by developing a certain number of solders or knights and rent out his land to individuals who would pay him back in the amount of food that they make. They were called serfs.</p>
<p>Each one of these powerful kings or kingdoms was called a fiefdom and there were many. Whole countries would be broken into fiefdoms. That&#8217;s how countries were ruled before they became one united nation. It is still a power structure in which individuals, principals of schools or large institutions, rule other people. They go in and form alliances with specific individuals in management and then they gather information on an ongoing basis on other people in which to manage behind the lines. This is called fiefdom management. It&#8217;s interesting to watch people manage in this particular style as we observe schools and institutions.<span id="more-93"></span></p>
<p>Old Ladies:<br />
I was walking through a nursing home the other day and a 95 year old women said &#8220;In four years, I&#8217;ll practically be 100 years old.&#8221; I said &#8220;well, there is much you have seen and there has much you know. You are someone that I call &#8216;has wisdom&#8217;, why don&#8217;t you share this wisdom with me?&#8221; I shared with her how some managers or individuals develop power by developing fiefdoms. I was curious why they just weren&#8217;t candid and go directly to people. The old lady looked at me and said &#8220;They are practicing what most people love to do the most while they are here on the planet. They love to gossip. They love to go in a reach out to other people. Gossip and hold these little nuggets of gossip and go throughout the tribe and talk to other people. This is what delights them most; the world of gossip&#8221;.</p>
<p>Interesting! Wisdom through the elderly in our tribe, which are now in the nursing homes. Fiefdoms are an interesting way to control other people, old ladies and gossip. You know, we all like to gossip. They say that is how language actually developed. Are you someone who rules through fiefdoms in your own family structure? Think about it. This is Weekly Dr. B reminding you that, We are not alone.</p>
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