Weekly Psyche

I entered a nursing home to determine whether an elderly lady, 88, was ready to go home. She had been admitted because of disorientation- at her home she didn’t know where she was, she didn’t know the date. So we came in to to check up on her. She looked reasonably healthy, hair was combed and had eaten all of her vegetables. She had a book and started to tell us about the plot and structure.

It appeared sad. Here, an elderly lady, once independent, powerful, blank asking permission from the young to go out and play. She started to cry while talking about her book. Just started to cry. I asked her name three times, in the same tone, like a broken record. Then I asked her to write her name in cursive. I said “I want you to write your name in cursive fifteen times”. I wrote the number fifteen on the paper and she started writing her name fifteen times. I told her I wanted her to do it while she spoke it. After the fifteenth time of writing and saying her name, she had reoriented herself; she became calm and comfortable again.

We can do this by giving somebody something to do that they have done before that makes them feel comfortable. Its called “motor memory”. It brings back their orientation because they had become very accustomed to the task. Its an excellent technique for calming down.

We can use “motor memory” on ourselves when we feel uncomfortable or agitated. We vacuum the house or clean the car. We do something very pedestrian. With our moms and dads entering the gray frontier, “motor memory”is a technique that you can and should use to help them achieve a sense of security.

If you have techniques that you use to help your parents through their cantankerous dribble caused by age or dementia, share them please. Remember, you are not alone.