When my son was in high school he attended a “Say no to Drugs” rally in the gym with the entire school. A group was invited to demonstrate to the students on “How not to make drugs.” My son came home and related that he would have never conceived of the idea. Now he even knows how to make them. Then to honor this prophylactic week, kindergarten children through seniors in high school wear red ribbons or wrist bands with “Say no to drugs” in bold red colors. A sixth grade girl came into my clinic wearing the ribbon and I asked her to remove it. She refused because her teacher will not give extra credit to those students not wearing red ribbons all week. Now I ask you. When you see the ribbon, what is first thought that comes to mind? Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs.
Basic Behavioral Psychology 101 teaches that we direct our children with words that lead where we want them to grow. So if a child is running down the hall, we do not shout Continue Reading…
Think of this as a short reality show all about talk therapy. Families frequently ask me if I have had a conversation with their child about what is acceptable and what is not to earn their rewards. “Maybe they just don’t understand!” I have had parents ask me this about children from 7 years to 37 years. “Are you sure they understand what they have to do to earn?” These parents still want to believe that a conversation can build bridges. This is the story of “Talk Therapy.” It is a real story parents pretend about innocence but it is really about ignorance masquerading.
Talk therapy presumes that the human animal has learned that fulfillment of their needs requires a work ethic. I have had people from all caliber of the social structure comment, “Well, what does a child really need?” These people must have come from the planet “Need.” Earth does not fulfill because of need. If you doubt this equation, please strip naked and sit in the middle of the Amazon rain forest. The animals and insects that will feed upon you have learned to earn. All animals on Earth learn to earn. Not only does that equation grow the food we eat but it builds the mettle that makes the human whole. That is the definition of self-esteem. Self-esteem certainly is not derived from talk therapy or an undeserved hug. I have had children come to me and say, “Give me a bottle of water. I need it. I’m thirsty!” Where did this work ethic of “Need” come from? I reply, “What have you done to deserve this water?” The child will usually look at me with quizzical eyes and repeat, ”Don’t you understand Dr. B? I said I was thirsty.” The animal must learn this behavior through some kind of pain experience. Continue Reading…
Any time delayed gratification is removed from the social structure of learned or taught behaviors, we have a decline in the social fabric. Without delayed gratification, an individual cannot take the necessary time to learn necessary behaviors for survival. Until three generations ago, this was not an issue because mother nature was the flawless teacher. 90% of human beings lived an agrarian life of farming. Small family farms that dictated, “Those who did not plant did not reap. And those who do not reap do not eat.” This required the concept of “delayed gratification.” But now all pain oriented learning required of our children is outlawed by the state. Our young children have been taught by our institutions, that on a whim, they can call the authorities and have their elders imprisoned with a “story of anxiety,” natures teachings are inverted. Continue Reading…
Ahh the quick and dirty. As the title indicates something sinister and nasty. I have always contended that the human being is motivated primarily by Lust and Fear. Fear keeps us alive long enough to procreate the specie, lust. Lust and fear each deal with immediate gratification. But immediate gratification is a child’s game that one must grow out of. It is the crib we are born with to survive on this planet as naked and defenseless suckling mammals. Unless the human being learns delayed gratification they will never be joining the harvest season of life. It is the bridges we learn how to build across the rivers of life and not the walking across the bridge that builds the self esteem of living. Ah backstairs and love affairs. Continue Reading…
