What a simple question of an elderly man can teach us
I want to talk to you for a moment about some of the elderly tribal members that sometimes we forget about. I was in a nursing home a few hours ago and the staff were concerned about an elderly gentleman who was probably in his 90′s and was paralyzed and he had problems being courteous. When he wanted something, he would yell and when he would be reprimanded by the staff, he would get angry and they said he was verbally abusive. After listening to their concerns, I went in and talked to the gentleman.
As I entered his room, he was watching the TV and it was extremely loud. I asked him if I could talk to him or if he would rather watch the TV. He said “no, you can turn the TV off” and of course he was yelling at the time. I accidentally turned down the sound instead of turning the TV off and he immediately yelled at me “don’t turn the sound down!” I looked at him and said “are you angry? Why are you yelling at me?” and he replied with “I’m sorry, just turn the power off.” I turned the power off and went and sat down.
“You sound so angry and you are yelling” I said. He replied with “Yah know, my ears have been filled with wax for three weeks and the doctor is finally giving me some drops. I can’t hear anyone and I can’t hear myself talk and so it always sounds like I am yelling. I’m constantly having to raise my voice. I raise my voice and it gives me a sore throat and it then sounds like I am frustrated and have a lot of anger when I am really just trying to get my point across.”
You know, sometimes if we just ask the question and find out why, sometimes it’s not always behavioral. Our older tribal members aren’t children having tantrums, they are human beings and adults that have lived out their lives in the tribe. They often need service and are sometimes misunderstood because we don’t always know where they’re coming from. Sometimes with a simple question of why, they’ll gladly explain it to us. If we only see them as quandum participants or children, we’ll have a tendency to misdiagnose and mistreat. Sometimes just being direct and asking the question “why?”, we’ll get a pretty respectful answer. This is your Weekly Dr. B reminding you that, We are not alone!
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March 22nd, 2010 at 7:09 pm
This article and thought provoking. It reminds me that sometimes I need to slow down. To be a better listener and to ask the questions that enables me to be a better listener.