Weekly Psyche

There was a family meeting where a young 20-something male was discussing whether he should let his girlfriend know about his jealousy. This particular situation involved the taboo of dating in the workplace. Of course, in their workplace, the exclusive relationship was kept a secret from workplace employees. Hence, other male employees as well as customers would flirt with his girl. The ugly head of jealousy surfaced!

Where is your goat tied up? This metaphor, “Where your goat is tied up” means “What bothers you?” What causes you to feel pain?

In front of a married couple, I gave the advice to this young man that he should never allow anybody, especially friends and lovers, to know “where your goat is tied up.”

Why? Because when you do you will see an increase in the pattern of behavior you wanted to avoid. It is not because the human being is an animal that consciously seeks to cause pain. They do not even know they are doing it. If they were accused of it and “called out!” they would deny it to their grave. There is a sinister thing that goes on with the human being at a subconscious level. It is the iceberg-metaphor of the human brain. The great mass of the ice berg is submerged. We only see the exposed tip. What triggers and motivates human behavior functions primarily below the surface of the water. Most of the human animal’s motivations for action is beneath the surface of conscious awareness. What human motivation are we discussing? POWER.

The power to be able to control their environment through their own actions. Hence, the motivation for the historical quest to conquer the frontiers, whether its undiscovered land masses on the planet or whether it is the exploration of outer-space.

To conquer, to have power, to control your environment through your own actions. To have power with no subjects? A king without a kingdom? Reminds me of the Hollywood script of a woman that married for money. Throughout their 60 year marriage she belittled her husband at every chance until he was cuckolded and castrated. They both died on the Titanic. When they faced their final judgement, she demanded a magnificent castle, which she was granted. The Maker gave the husband the choice of living with his wife in the castle or playing rugby with his old cronies from college. He chose his cronies and she was sentenced to live out eternity in her castle. Alone forever. She protested, “What good is a castle if you cannot show it off!” Her final words to her husband, “You swine!”

Power over people has always been the quintessential power.

So we allow the people, even the ones we love, to be privy to our weaknesses thinking they will be benevolent masters. There is no such thing as a benevolent master. If there is a master than the other must be a subject-slave.
So our young 20-something shared his foibles of jealousy with his girlfriend and she began to taunt his weakness. If you doubt these dynamics think of siblings, brothers and sisters. When they know what bothers their siblings, they constantly taunt with this knowledge of their weaknesses. Of course they are scolded and disciplined for this by their parents, yet the disciplining parent will exhibit the same taunting behavior.

Where is your goat tied up?
with their spouse. People think that if we divulge our weaknesses to our loved ones, their loved ones will allow the individual sympathy and support. Yet the opposite will occur. Once the weakness is known they, the master, will indulge with persecution.

I knew one married couple that complained of this bazaar human behavior. The husband said that when he would come home, his wife would immediately begin cleaning the kitchen, banging pots and pans. When the husband informed his spouse, the behavior increased. The banging of pots and pans increased until the husband did not know how to address it anymore, except by coming home less frequently.

Of course, the answer to the disturbing “pots and pans” behavior was “Not to address it at all.” Remember these needs are not an anomaly. They are the like the necessity for food, air, sex! As young humans turn into adulthood, these needs for POWER begin to increase. The adult human will seek out power however and wherever they can command it. Through the power of money or the power in their relationship. The manifestation of this power is defined by their environment. Remember the adage,”Those who have the gold make the rules.”

Informing people of what bothers you feeds the human animal desire for POWER. Hence, the advice to the jealous teen, “Never allow anyone to know where your goat is tied up.” This rule applies most the closer a person is too you because you will be with them the most. Those who love you the most will taunt you the most. Why?
Because they want the power over you.

Is the human being a noble animal? Judge for yourself. I was sitting on a bus of elementary school children on a field trip. The teacher ask the children to keep the noise softer because she had a headache. How did the children respond to her request? Of course if this rings true with our loved ones, then it must ring true with our enemies. How do you know when someone is your enemy?

Film actor Betty Davis best described an enemy as “Anyone who tries to keep you from achieving your dreams and goals.” Contrary to political teachings, the human being is not an animal of mystery. Unique? One human’s intestines are like another. We all dream the same dreams and seek the same futility. POWER! “Where is your goat tied up?” This DR. B reminding you, that we are not alone.